#so my taste is kind of all over
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NO OK BUT I'M STILL NOT OVER BOOTHILL AND DAN HENG AND THE JADE ABACUS IN ENA'S DREAM!!!!!
For some extra context, I have a whole henghill manifesto I wrote over here, but the tl;dr is that Dan Heng decides to use the Jade Abacus of Allying Oath to save the Express Crew the first time. Boothill urges him to think it over carefully, but he doesn't stop him. And then, the second time Dan Heng decides to use it, we get this instead:
And just! That's so!! so!!!
Because like. We see in the first battle against Sunday that that Jade Abacus is effective, like we really do just get an entire army lead by a whole-ass Emanator of The Hunt right to our location and ready to fuck shit up. It's important. It's incredibly valuable. That is a huge amount of power to hold in the palm of one's hand.
But Tiernan's relic works the same way.
Galaxy Rangers are terribly dangerous. Boothill comments on this when discussing Acheron's motives, because he can't believe anyone would be stupid enough to get The Hunt on their asses. They're considered to be on a level even above The Annihilation Gang.
And now, with the burial relic, he has a way to get thousands of them, almost immediately, and all in one place.
And you can't tell me that wouldn't be something extremely useful to Boothill, like literally life-saving. He's wanted by the IPC. He makes his living as a bounty hunter. His whole driving motivation in life right now is to do whatever he can, up to and including throwing away his own human body, to ruthlessly hunt down one man and kill him in revenge. Like that has to be dangerous, the IPC is a massive entity with far-reaching influence and money and power and weaponry. He surely must have already had some close calls.
Like can you imagine it? Galaxy Rangers are solitary creatures. If Boothill were to find himself near death, he would probably be all alone. Do you think he had regrets? Did he wonder if anyone would find his own burial relic? Did it feel the same way it did when they melted his flesh, replaced it with metal? Did he lay there with his vision slowly blacking out until he thought of home, and family, and the little daughter who he never even got to hear her first word, until he was so full of fury that he could prop himself up on his rage like a crutch and find help?
Tiernan's relic would have been like a get-out-of-jail-free card. Just for one time, no matter where Boothill was, someone would find him. The Galaxy Rangers aren't sociable or organized between themselves, but they help their own. Someone would save him.
He chooses to give all of that up to help Dan Heng.
And I just cannot get over it, especially the wording of it, the pause before he speaks, the gentle way he tells him to hold onto his once-in-a-lifetime treasure...!! He wants Dan Heng to leave this to him! He wants him to keep this precious item that will help him save his companions again in the future! And maybe it's just...wishful thinking, me reading too much into it? But I mean. Just the way he says it...
I really do think it comes from a place of deep kinship and respect. That there's a lot of thought and feeling behind that statement. Something from one Pathstrider of The Hunt to another. Boothill fought for his home and his family, he fought really really hard! But. Sometimes that just doesn't matter. And now he's watching Dan Heng fight for his, too.
When he made that decision the first time, Dan Heng was in the parlor car of the Astral Express. He was completely removed from any danger. He could have chosen to get the hell out of Dodge and not look back. Obviously we know he would never even consider such a thing, but it was technically an option, and Boothill watched him decide to go back into the proverbial lion's den for his friends anyway. And I'm sure that was part of what sealed his decision, to later use Tiernan's relic instead of the Jade Abacus to summon enough people to disrupt Ena's Dream. Because he greatly values ideas like righteousness and justice and saving people, and Dan Heng so beautifully embodies all of that and then some.
Boothill doesn't have people to protect anymore, only ghosts to avenge.
And there is just something so endlessly endearing about him wanting to help Dan Heng, to make sure his friend doesn't go through that the way he did.
#honkai star rail#henghill#boothill#dan heng#hsr#hsr boothill#hsr dan heng#bootheng#I feel like I'm just repeating myself a bunch and not saying anything orz#spinning my tires#do you get me. do you feel me.#do you understand my vision#does the blood in your mouth taste the same as mine.#I'm frothing at the mouth over here Hoyo how dare you get me so into a ship OTL#there are few things that get me in the heart so hard as 'character loses everything and uses it to make sure no one else goes through that#just#ARGH#Because Dan Heng has suffered so much in his life but it's never been this specific kind of loss.#He never had any kind of family to lose in the first place. He didn't until Himeko took him in.#But Boothill has been through all that and it sucked and he already really likes and relates to Dan Heng.#they're like two goofy little peas in a pod haha#so of course he wants to protect him#How could his heart not be swayed by him?
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My brother died very suddenly yesterday.
He was the kind of person who always had dozens and dozens of friends everywhere he went because he was easy to talk to and funny and treated people with respect, and his friends ranged in class, race, age, social ability, introversion and extroversion--no matter who you were, he could and would befriend you.
He would scold me for not asking him for help when I needed it, and he would mean it. He taught me to tip well. He loved helping people. He played practical jokes on the new kids at work, including getting one guy to "chop flour" because the flour they had in the kitchen was "too coarse."
He introduced me to some of the best food I've ever eaten in my life. He would always help with a recipe that wasn't working. He would tell me what to buy my foodie friends for their birthdays, and he never got it wrong. He loved meat and whiskey but also wine and fruit and he got me to eat beets even because he knew how to make anything good.
Mostly, he thought that people were all deserving of respect and decency. He was outspoken on this. For all that his friends ranged across demographics, he didn't tolerate anyone being hateful around him. But even then, he was nice about it. He would try to get people to come around to his side. He saw the good in people.
And he was happy. He had finally quit chewing tobacco and managed to stay off it for three years. He had a girlfriend he really liked. The pandemic had put him out of work for over a year, but he was back at his job and doing well and he liked it. He was good at it. And it's complete bullshit that he's gone.
#when I think of him#it's him standing in the kitchen beckoning me over to taste the best duck I've ever had#duck that was catering for a special party#but he knew I was around so he saved me bites of all this spectacular expensive food he made#or it's him driving me to the library after our mom died#and I couldn't figure out how to complete a school assignment#and he picked me up and told me I could always ask him for help#or him telling me my car sucked#and when I asked him why he said he wants a car that can go fast#and I told him that wasn't important to me at all#and his attitude changed entirely and he was like oh then I guess your car is great for you then#or just how much he loved his nieces#no uncle has ever doted harder#or when I asked him what knives I should buy for my kitchen because I was tired of shitty ones#how seriously he considered the question#tw death#I guess#honestly he's the kind of person who is so good with other people I always wondered why he bothered with someone like me#a thought that hurt his feelings every time#he was my big brother and that's all there was to it
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Jamie would 100% make Roy a dating app profile sometime after the Keeley rejecting both of them thing to try to help him move on and meet people when clearly heās refusing to get back out there organically and heād think heās being so helpful and generous and the best wingman ever. Heād handpick what he considers the sexiest pictures he can find and put a bunch of shit Roy would never say thinking heās being accurate and helpful and not even taking the clear opportunity to make a joke account to embarrass him or anything when he easily could have just made fun of him and chosen the worst pictures possible instead
And then he would be SO offended when it doesnāt go well when Roy finds out about it and is not properly appreciative at all
Roy thinks itās Jamieās account when he starts showing Roy girls like what do you think of her and asking him way too many questions when Roy has no interest in participating and has no idea why the fuck Jamie seems incapable of swiping without trying to get Royās opinions first. Meanwhile, Royās giving one word answers at first and then increasingly trying to brush him off when he doesnāt stop and then heās just flat out like āChoose your own dates and leave me the fuck out of itā and Jamieās like āNah, this is your account. You should have a sayā and instead of being grateful and appreciative and thanking Jamie for being oh so generous with his time and energy, Roy just scowls at him and growls out āYou did not make a fucking Tinder profile for meā and Jamie just smirks and decides now is not the right moment yet to mention that he actually made him accounts on like three different apps because he wasnāt sure which Roy would like best
Roy barks at him to delete it and Jamieās all whiny like āCome on, I spent a lot of time on these and you havenāt even considered it. Plus, even if youāre not ready to date someone yet, youād still be less miserable to be around if you at least found someone to shag in the meantimeā
And Royās like āDelete it. I donāt want a fucking Tinder profile.ā And Jamie looks at him confused for a moment and then seems to have an epiphany as he goes āOh, do you want a Grindr one instead? Hold on a secondā and he flips to a different app and Royās too busy being baffled by the fact that Grindr is already on Jamieās phone and that heās having to sign out of his own account to try to make one for Roy to even stop him before heās already trying to sign up for a new account and Roy goes āThatās not what I meant. I donāt want any dating appā
And Jamie pauses his typing and turns and looks at him so skeptically and so judgily and suddenly somehow Roy is trying to fight for his life trying to defend why heās not looking for some random stranger to date or fuck around with
#Also a possibility: Jamie not signing out of his and asking Roy what he thinks of#guys and when Roy is like stop that why did you make me a Grindr profile why are you swiping on guys and even if you were WHY that one#And Royās trying to get the phone out of Jamieās hand and when he does Jamieās like stop thatās my account let me swipe#on him I was just trying to find out what kind of guys youād be into before making yours š#+ Roy being so critical of Jamieās taste in men like him??? seriously??? because the idea of Jamie messaging any of them bothers him#I may turn this into a RoyJamie fic at some point or possibly RoyJamie that has Keeley later too#Obviously Royās brain obsesses over Jamieās Grindr profile and what he may or may not be doing with it just as much as he obsesses over#Jamie in general after this and heās stuck trying to figure out how to casually bring it back up to him#(Spoiler alert: itās Roy so it absolutely wonāt be casual and yet Jamie wonāt care that it isnāt at all#)#Jamie would GLADLY be the one fucking around with Roy but heās also out here advocating for Roy to fuck in general#RoyJamie#Roy Kent#Jamie Tartt#Ted Lasso#Mine#Grindr fic#Putting that there for when I come back to this because I have a lot of thoughts#Once again I refuse to reread words and edit rn so Iāll just be bummed about the errors later
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cold fruit in a hot kitchen (so i had this great watermelon last weekend)
#so I had this great watermelon last weekend. and the thing is it probably wasn't even that great of a watermelon#but I was four hours into an eight hour shift and we had thrown out all the watermelon salad because no one was eating it#and then our manager ran in and yelled that the client really fucking wanted watermelon salad.#so like six of us servers started frantically chopping watermelon. and the kitchen got really hot#in the way it does when everyone inside it is really stressed because there's no fucking watermelon salad#and after we chopped all the watermelon and the client got their fucking watermelon we all had a moment#where we looked at the remaining watermelon and we were so hot and cocktail hour was almost over anyway and the salads were all plated#and we all went for the watermelon and we ate it with the kind of rabid intensity you only get while eating cold watermelon in a hot kitche#and it was the best watermelon I have ever tasted and several days later i am still chasing the high of that fucking watermelon#and the thing is i know it isn't even the watermelon i'm actually missing#it's the feeling of cool liquid on hot skin and the feeling of a crisis averted and the feeling of camaraderie#that comes with devouring a watermelon in a hot kitchen with six other people who you have nothing in common with except that watermelon.#i don't dream of labor but i am dreaming now of being 4 hours into an eight hour shift eating watermelon in a hot kitchen.#i dream of laughing around the cold fruit in my mouth. I crave that watermelon like i'll die without it.#< honest to god this is real and that watermelon left such an impact on me that i had to draw it and write this. having a normal one#maybe this is insane but working in a team of people you truly like to do something you actually enjoy is so underrated#if only they fucking paid me i could work as a server for the rest of my life. unironically#skribbles
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when you ask a restaurant for spicy food and instead of cooking it in a way that makes the end result hotter they just obliterate all the flavor by dumping heaps of sriracha all over it after the fact
#i will and have literally just thrown the whole dish away and started over somewhere else#if u dump Sriracha all over something to make it spicy I'm never ordering anything spicy from u again#like. are u tasting this..? is this a balance of flavors to you..? š§š¾āāļø if you must use sriracha can u at least use it towards the end of#the actual cooking process itself so it has time to mix with other flavors and seasoning? i cannot taste anything else!!#u might as well have cooked it plain then dumped this all over it for all I care ą«® ā ļ»āį where are the sauces the salsas the array of spices#you can make things hot AND flavorful š¤š¾ you can make something spicy AND nuanced#anyways I'm thinking about this bc i ordered spicy mapo tofu and it is spicier in a way i can't pin down And has a stronger#peppercorn flavor āš¾ this is how u handle spicy food perfectlyā imo. it is my view that you have experience with the different#spices n seasonings and subsequent sauces if you can make that spicy during the actual cooking process#and idk shows more intention and care to the cooking process To Me and the spicy lvl is taken into consideration from the start#i KIND OF fw Sriracha but i think it becomes overpowering very quicklyā i just want a few light globs of it at a time#an Accent of Sriracha š¤š¾ a taste that is present and pronounced but doesn't take away from anything else#i take my cooking and spicy food seriously ą«® ā ļ»āį there are SO many good ways to make ur food hotter. this ain't it#it's 4am and I'm about to go to sleep so these r just late night ramblings of a girl picking at her leftovers like this is it.. peak spicy#a truly well executed dish š¤š¾ thank you i love you. satisfying..
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List of some of webtoon and manhwa recs.
First of all I should probably say that my favorite type of stories (so the type you might find in the list bellow) is ātragedy comedy adventureā without any romance, but possibly a lot of bromance | tension (ok some BL slipped by me into this list). And rather self destructive mc for the sake of their goal (often to the utter despair of the people who care about them xd). Bring forth conflicts and battles of will and rising against destiny !
@blackhazefanblog I did this for you! It took a while. Even if I think youāll find the ones in [The Fantasy Kind] are the most likely to have similar vibes to black haze. : D
All summaries are from Baka-Updates or WebtoonLine. The links are either towards WebtoonLine, or towards the original official site (or official english translation if i found it).
The Fantasy Kind
Black Haze (Ongoing)
A long time ago, a portal to another world was opened, and those who acquired special abilities along with marks began to be called mages. After the incident known as "that day", the first-class mage from Ophion, known as "Blow", has become very famous. One day, he receives a very special mission: to protect the second son of the Artian family, who suffers from being called a "monster" at the magic school "Helios"! Thus, Blow enrolls in Helios under the name "Rood Krisch" to hide his true identity...
My all time favorite. I learned english thanks to it < 3. And it just group so many of my favorite tropes in one story ā.ā
Iām not that kind of talent (Ongoing)
A talented individual who is respected by many and welcomed anywhere? Not at all! A bloodthirsty battle fanatic who knows no defeat? Couldnāt be further from the truth! In reality, Deon Hardt is a sickly human who coughs up blood from receiving the tiniest bit of stress and gets sunburns from standing in the sun for ten minutes. But due to an unfortunate misunderstanding, he becomes āDemon Arut,ā the notorious 0th corps commander of the demon army and the demon kingās joker. Caught in a war between humans and demonkind, Deon must find a way to survive!
I discovered that one this year! I love comediy and tragedy mixed together, and that one fully achieved that, from making me laugh to absolutely destroying my heart seriously i am still hurting. Well this is a tragedy. Be warned. But a delicious one. (My heart TT.TT).
The Ember Knight (Ongoing)
When Nagyunnās twin brother, Najin, is murdered before his very eyes, he vows to avenge his brotherās death by assuming Najinās identity. But although the two may look alike, when it comes to fighting, Nagyunn lacks the talent and skill his brother possessed. In order to successfully execute his plot for revenge, Nagyunn resolves to train himself to become the prodigious knight-in-training his brother once was. Will Nagyunn be able to keep his identity a secret before others begin to catch on to his act?
Another one I discovered ārecentlyā = last year. I absolutely adore the fact that the mc rely fully on wits and bluff. He will never get a cheat skill to get as strong as others- he just has to play his card rights (which happen to be a bunch of overprotective knights wishing he stopped going in front of the blade path). So he gotta bluff. A lot. Including playing betrayal at every corner, and i sure love betrayal :3. That and itās a revenge story ~
TAL (Complete)
They walk like ordinary people, they talk like ordinary people but in fact there is nothing ordinary about them since they can materialize an image they have on their mind... They call themselves Chachaoong which also means Shaman and they do not know how or when they came to this world. It is now a time for their current king to choose the future one and so he did by choosing Yu Jin an ordinary human...? Many of the Chachaoong can not tolerate a human ruling them and now the poor Yu Jin not knowing what suddenly hit him, is trying to avoid the Chachaoongs who are trying to kill him!
This has been my second favorite after Black Haze for a long time, because I got a soft spot for escapists xd. All the more escapists with consequences catching them back faster than they can run until theyāre cornered ā.ā Fight until the end against a fate you are doom to surrender to ~ I love it.
Catharsis (Complete)
Fear is a powerful emotion that can end up overtaking one's life. Leon thought he knew that. But when he's thrown into the demonic realm that Catharsis governs over, he'll learn that there is more to ātrueā fear than he could ever have imagined... But will he learn how to face it?
That one also stayed in my mind for a long time. The ending is more āopenā than I would have wished, but well, there is no sequel yet so letās call that an ending. Appart from that i loved the mc, and he has synesthesis which give really cool result in webtoon format (yay colors). In a world where nightmares take physical shape, the mc get attacked by nightmares and end up being recruited by the agency fighting nightmares bcs they feel smthg off about him.
Crepuscule (Complete)
Lark is different from the rest of the kids. He has red eyes, just like Vampires do, and he is bullied by the other kids for it. One day he meets Setz, a genuine Vampire of a Noble clan who is the only one that doesn't call him a monster or bully him. Eventually they become friends, but when Lark finds out he may have to return to the orphanage, Setz decides he does not want to lose his friend, so he invites him to his home... The world of the Vampires.
Another webtoon i grew up with as a teen. It isnāt my all time fav, but i still quite enjoyed it enough to reread it a few times. Must be the blond mc that reminded me of Rood xd. Or the fact that he is super weak in a world of monsters. Or the reason he has those red eyes. (Such delicious angst amidst the comedy). Are those just a trope I enjoy? XD
Godly Bells (Complete)
Divine Bells - they choose their own masters and they determine the status, prestige, and influence of the countries their masters rule. The presence or lack of these Bells also has great consequence in the lives of each country's royalty. In particular, the personal and political futures of King Hong-Ryeong seem doomed without a Bell, but at equally great peril if he obtains one. But are the Divine Bells simple magical charms, deities of great powers, or something else altogether? And when the owner of three of the eight existing Divine Bells dies, leaving them to choose new owners, where will the resulting turmoil lead?
Another blond mc i grew up with as a teen and reread a few time. And another ākingā who is āweakā. Itās in a fantasy world, where divine ābellsā give each king (and thus each country) power. The mc country hasnāt been chosen by any bells for years, so quite look down upon. Until three bells at least or smthg choose the mc. And then they become people, with their own agenda. The mc didnāt want the attention but well canāt convince the bells to drop him xd. Which is why i loved this story. Once again, canāt escape fate even when you didnāt want it ~
Aegis Orta (Complete)
Val is an ordinary high school student who dedicates his life to God. His peaceful days however have to end when he learns about who he really is..
Very much in the same vibe of Godly Bells and Crepuscule, only I discovered it later and thus have less memories of it (bcs reread it less). Itās another blond character with red eyes that get āfateā thrown at its face ~ well. Demon powers. Same.
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Iām not gonna put Mxtxās works here (Heaven Official Blessing, Mo Dao Zu Shi, Scum Villain Self Saving System), but theyāre great too. If you love comedy and tragedy and donāt mind BL too much. Go for it. I usually donāt enjoy romance that much but it didnāt bother me with those works, bcs itās presented so naturally into the story rather than harassing us every second. Phantom Paradise is also a BL, although entirely different vibe. Itās what would happen with matriarchat instead of patriarchat but all the toxicity remain - only gender roles are reversed. As for why I enjoyed it so much... I guess I am still somewhat sensitive to fan service ? XD
I also feel like I should mention UnderPrin, even if it didnāt make it all the way to my favs, kind of similar vibe to Catharsis and Aegis Orta. Iāll also mention Makai Ouji: Devils and Realist which is a manga but another blond character in the same vibe of the earlier ones, who refuse his own power XD. And Pandora Hearts because its my favorite manga ever. I even prefer it to Black Haze (but I think someone who liked one would also like the other?).
#donāt hesitate to add your owns to the list!#personnally iām very priented comedy tragedy fantasy Gen#i think it shows xd#The mc making self destructives / isolating choices all over and accidentally (or not) digging their own grave is the absolute BEST :3#The enemies becoming allies / former allies becoming the āenemyā (and being right to do so from their pov) is also the best.#ābetrayal for your sakeā ~#The chase game of the cat of the mouse and escapings in general is also the best (as are prisoner tropes)#yes i have *tastes*#restraining myself to webtoons and not mangas that have my fav tropes is so hard xd#as you can see i had what i call my āblond characterā phase#i guess it evolved into a black haired character phase? xD#black haze#the ember knight#iām not that kind of talent#intkot#catharsis#crepuscule#godly bells#aegis orta#recs#webtoon#manwha#tek#kang im#tal#webtoons#Sinryeong
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you ever just. become overwhelmed by a sudden out-of-nowhere wave of tenderness and affection and longing for reconnection directed towards someone to whom you no longer speak for Very Good Reasons
#āout of nowhereā she says like she hasnāt been doing a lot of reading/thinking recently about various tragic messy breakups#and the later regrets of the parties involved#anyway. tell me not to text her#itās been over two years since the last time we talkedā¦ absolutely no reason to break that streak now. lord give me strength#she was really fucking mean to me! like objectively intentionally unwarrantedly cruel! it ruined an entire year of my life#and fundamentally changed me as a person on a deep level! thereās a lot of things i used to like about myself that i donāt think iām ever#going to get back#and yet every once in a while we have to do the whole āmaybe i could make things rightā song and dance š#the thing is most of the time iām not even really angry with her anymore like enough time has passed since all the shit went down that#really i just sort of look at her behavior and feel sad. both because of the impact on me but also because of the āthatās really how you#felt you needed to act towards someone who cared about you? you couldnāt have just expressed your feelings in an honest and productive way#instead of just lashing out in the cruelest possible way and ruining the entire relationship beyond hope of repair?ā#and i feel bad and sorry that it went that way and honestly i kind of pity her and hope sheās gotten some of her shit worked out#so iām not like. actively pissed off at her anymore. but also i canāt think about her without thinking about the worst year of my life so š#i donāt actually feel that trying to reopen that door would be very healthy for me at least#we did try a Reconciliation of sorts a couple of months after the initial falling-out and while it was kind of helpful for me in that she#like. apologized lmao. and affirmed that i wasnāt crazy and she did in fact On Purpose say the most hurtful things she possibly could have#said to me given the information she had at her disposal. and that i really had not done anything to her that could warrant that. etc.#it also left a sour enough taste in my mouth that i just donāt see a future where the two of us spending time together is enjoyable for me#and yetā¦ the regret will always live inside me i think. maybe if i were a stronger personā¦#caseyposting
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i will never understand how some people can actively shit on something they know someone loves and finds joy in right in front of them. how can you hate something that makes someone else happy in this absolutely fucked world in front of them.
its the passive aggression for no reason i will never ever understand or do to others. if you have a passion, fucking LIVE it. if nothing else, passion gets us through every shitty day, and i will always support it.
have passion in spite of those who hate.
#its absolutely mind boggling to me#and genuinely makes me so fucjinf upset#i was sitting next to my sister who has been nicer to me than usual as she is talking to her online friend and im doing my nails silently b#its her polish and i didnt wanna take it out of her room. but i look up and shes ranking music genres which is all cool. but without#hesitation as the first one at the most bottom tier she put kpop. like i understand its not her cup of tea but i was like okay thats#something that actively makes me wanna keep living yaknow. and she knows that. so i was like#āinteresting placement for kpopā and she didnt say anything so i said āim not sure youve listened to it enough to have such a violent#opinion on itā and she immediately got angry saying shes āheard enoughā and then got mad at me for saying that saying why was i being ālike#this what the fuckā and my heart genuinely sunk into my ass but i couldnt leave even though i felt like crying bc i only did one hand and i#was drying at that moment plus i didnāt wanna make it a big deal. but this is not the first time sheās actively hated on my music without#prompt from me and it just makes me ????? like. music taste differs with everyone i understand this and i respect it. if something brings u#happiness then i would love to hear and listen even if i wouldnāt choose it myself. but being a bitch about it. idk#ultimately its the fact of being mean for no reason over someone elseās passion makes u a fucking asshole#:)))) im not crying bye#ashley rambles#to delete later#my mom and brother do it too btw. hating on it and making sure i hear it.#my mom was doing it the other day and my 7 year old nephew kept saying āpook i love it. i think its coolā and it made me cry because kids#have the capacity for such unaltered kindness as the world has yet been cruel to them#idk man
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tagged by @piyo-13 to make a poll of my top 5 characters and see who comes out on top and well....
Honorable Mentions: Mishil from Queen Seondeok (the OG baddie bitch antiheroine!!! Watching this sageuk as a kid literally alternated my brain chemistry hahaha), Emily Throne from Revenge (another OG antiheroine girlie I was frothing at the mouth over!!!) and Jem Carstairs from The Infernal Devices (the stranglehold this boi had on me during the heyday of the YA paranormal romance era LMAOOO)
Tagging @gyuseulogy, @selkiestars, @skadren, @whenquietthunders, @yukipri, and anyone else who wants to do this!
#personal#bruh...this was so hard#i originally had a top 20#narrowed it down to 10#and each time i narrowed down#i felt like i was sending off my children off to the guillotine rofl#a friend once absolutely CLOCKED me#by saying 'ur fave taste in fictional men is the kind princely type with severe childhood trauma'#while ur taste in fictional women is OG baddie bitches that you want them to step on u#typically in the antiheroine vein#and i was like 'do not...do not perceive me in this fashion plz'#but clearly she was right#but also characters who continue to chose KINDNESS and EMPATHY in increasingly unkind worlds/circumstances#that shit is my personal catnip#literally frothing at the mouth over#all the men in this poll seem to be cut from the same cloth tbh#they are my traumatized pookie sons lmaooo#and i usually scream about them in the tags a la 'MY PRECIOUS SONNNN!!!'#tanjirou should be fairly obvious#as I glanced to my acrylic standee collection on my bookshelves#and I have 7-8 standees of him alone [but a few are group standees lol]
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again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.
#this post brought to you by: me bingeing Sam & Darlin's entire storyline over the past few days and having a Lot of feelings abt it#asmr#audio roleplay#rp audio stuff#redacted audio#anyways i don't have a conclusion to this post. and i'm not Mad or Upset or anything i'm just thinkin' out loud#and i mean it's not like it doesn't get plenty of praise within its respective audience bc it does. at least for the more popular creators#but i feel it'll still always have the shadow of its cringe reputation looming over it#which makes it hard for some ppl to openly appreciate or share with others that aren't already fans of the medium#like do u know how many comments i've seen along the lines of 'this is great but i'd die if anyone knew i liked this kinda stuff' ?? :(#idk maybe i feel strongly about it bc i'm a self-insert fanfic writer. and i feel like the two have a lot in common. including a bad rep.#like. not every audio will be well-written or produced and neither will every fanfic. but that doesn't mean it's a less legitimate artform#and i'm lucky to have never (yet) received negative comments on my work. but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sigh when people-#-say shit like 'this reads like fanfiction' as a way of calling something bad. or other similar sentiments that make the same implication#and i wouldn't be surprised if audio creators feel the same way when they encounter certain comments or statements#like. those YT videos where ppl will 'try bf asmr for the first time' or whatever and it's just 20 mins of cringing and over-reacting? eugh#tbf i haven't watched many bc why do that to myself. so Maybe there's some that are respectful but still. imagine getting roasted like that#and yes yes i know that by posting stuff online you're inadvertently sighing up to be criticized by Anyone but still. man. i dunno#i'm going on a tangent but my point is. i'm grateful for the creators that still make their art in spite of the public's perception of it#bc some of the most impactful emotional experiences i've ever gained from fiction took place in audio rp and i'm so serious abt that.#anyways. this post almost feels like i'm 'making up a person to be mad at' but i promise it's not that serious i'm just yapping. mostly.#certainly not trying to start any kind of debate or anything either i just have a lot of fixation-induced energy and nowhere to put it#this is Eric's fault (/lh) for cooking Sam up in a lab catered exactly to my taste and making Darlin' waaaaay too painfully relatable#but it's also My fault for bingeing the Inversion /and/ the Quinn arc /and/ the Summit all within a couple days. but i can't help myself#feels like i've run an emotional marathon. triathlon. The Emotional Olympics if u will. i'm feeling Everything#who knew that beating the shit out of ur fictional abuser could feel so goddamn cathartic! it's a nice replacement when u can't do it irl#anyways i'm off on a tangent again. thanks for coming to my TED Talk i'm gonna crawl back in my hole now#actually i'm gonna go relisten to a few audios. as Research for my Sam & Darlin' playlist as well as a post i'll be making about it soon#u Know i've got it bad when i not only make a playlist but start Posting on here about the songs that remind me of them. i'm cooked guys.
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the album's been released but i just received my CD today :)
The Unnamed shares my interest in music so i listened to it with them!
My fav song is A Soul With No King and theirs is My Body Is Not Mine! i also really like To Be Alright, Starvation, and Earthly Delights! loved the entire album, any other Aurora fans in furblr?
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#my furby#the unnamed#furby fandom#furby community#furblr#furby#furbies#music posting#special interest posting#safe furby#aurora#cd collection#cd collecting#music#i love Aurora's music so much and her visuals too#the over all synasthesia vibe so far for this album is the sky . ozone/ atmosphere . white clouds . the smell and taste of peaches#has kind of a deep blue color (not bc of the album almost all songs are some kind of blue to me) but also a pastel purple and blue and like#gold flecks and stars
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obsessed with their different reactions to being called starcrossed lovers
#im gonna pretend mattie didnt die and visits them sometimes back in toronto#it's such a cute dynamic they have#the two evil (affectionate) sisters who just loving teasing laura#also one of my favourite things abt this show is the choreographing they do for the static camera#i bet it's so annoying to have to think about but i love watching them all move so coordinatedly through the frame#somehow still making it look natural#also i know laura is the storyteller one and i dont really know enough abt romanticism to make any definitive claims abt carmilla#but having scrolled her blog a bit to figure out her tastes in music and art#i wonder if theres a part of carmilla that kind of enjoys being starcrossed. or doomed in a sense#or maybe she that she wouldnt have CHOSEN this story necessarily but that she has resigned herself to it#on account of her vampire nature#and sees a certain beauty in it#that all her romances are doomed#idk. im still figuring her out#also im reinterpreting that exchange mattie and carmilla have in this scene#carmilla calls mattie a utilitarian which is probably right#mattie then callls her a nihilist and carmilla corrects that to existentialist#and mattie says absurdist at best#but those arent designations like back and forth as i had read it before#it's just carmillas philosophy theyre arguing about. i THINK. or maybe it's both of them#putting a pin in that until ive read more books#also kind of obsessed with how laura and danny and maybe the other humans are so quick to ascribe a morality to the vampires#based just on the 'shes a vampire!!' while obviously by necessity the vampires have spent wayyyyyyyyyy more time thinking abt their ethics#or maybe not by necessity for all of them but to mattie and carmilla it definitely seems like a necessity. or inevitability#they mustve spent countless hours over the centuries talking abt this if they can joke abt it in this way now#and in different states too like i can imagine distraught Im A Monster type conversations but also just sort of academic debates and also#carmilla reading some new book that has come out and mattie being like what newfangled thing are you into now#i guess utilitarianism was also newfangled at some point. theyre both older. but you know#carmilla is a poet. dont know if she writes poetry but she looks at things in a poet's way i think#also dont think shes entirely a romantic but i do think some of her tastes lean more toward the romantic
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i fear i am endlessly predictable (writing new dps au which is once again fantasy with Arthurian elements)
#it's an au of the dark is rising sequence by susan cooper#(which is to say it's based mostly off of over sea under stone and the dark is rising - with hints of the grey king running through)#and also to say that really i just wanted to write an homage to a very specific genre of british children's fantasy fiction#that i grew up reading voraciously + which shaped my proclivities and tastes for literature extensively. the little white horse au also#matched this but unfortunately that one is creeping towards the unfinished wips every day#not to get into an abundance of tags but this au revolves around: todd + charlie + meeks as kids and friends on holiday together#and going on a quest to find the grail. which gets sidetracked by keating (charlie's mysterious magical great-uncle) and also#todd gaining supernatural abilities far beyond those a thirteen-year-old boy can reckon with. rip. you know how it is#i think i was just really interested in the way cooper writes will stanton he has such a brilliant. canniness to him#which i suppose is the point after he becomes an old one. anyway! enough waffling in tags!#tristan writes#dps#dead poets society#dps fandom#dps fanfiction#dead poets society fanfiction#no anderperry because they're all kids so no romantic relationships per se (other than in that teenager way -#and also they have like. the world to save and evil to defeat lol)#but neil is here and supernatural and also fun to write. there's a certain cadence#and i like leaning into a more ominous side of him especially when he's so young in this au it's really funny#strangely ethereal looking thirteen-year-old child tells you in his prepubescent voice that the Dark shall reclaim the Light in a#fierce and savage hunt known to history but the likes of which the huntsman has never seen over rushing water.#and you just kind of have to sit there and deal with that#SORRY THESE TAGS GOT VERY LONG I REALLY LIKE THIS AU
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It's funny how big of an impact things we watch as we grow up leave.
Like I just read an article interviewing Alyson (last name not remembered) who played Lunnette the clown on The Big Comfy Couch.
My parents and I still quote things from the show. One line in particular.
"Who made this big mess!?"
Then we give blame to who did. Messy hair day, still referred to the person as Major Bedhead. We'll still even reference Molly the dolly.
The Big Comfy Couch is hardly the only thing that gets referenced.
There are still times when (though my brothers don't really know the show) that we reference Skinnamarink TV with Sharon Lois and Bram. Especially some of their songs. (Skinnamarink-y dinky do- I love you. I love you in the morning and in the afternoon. I love you in the evening and underneath the moon...)
Ants in the Pants is another one that still gets a reference at times and that show had some fun music on it. Songs that I still think about to this day.
I still think about Babar a lot, but we don't necessarily reference it, though I do like to pull out (moonmen never kid) at times. I also still think about Theodore the Tugboat and will go and listen to the theme song at times.
And of course there are the classics like Little Bear, Franklin, Arthur and others, but they're not ones that necessarily actually get directly referenced. Though I'm sure that there are many shows that I'm missing.
Anyways that's just my little musing on kid shows.
#there's just something so comforting about certain kid shows#not all of them are rewatchable as an adult but quite a few actually are#like I still love Babar and will go and watch it again the sound track for the show is delightful and leans classical making it timeless#and Gordon Pinsent as older Babar's voice is so soothing#my tastes in kid's shows do tend to lean very Canadian but considering that I am Canadian I think that makes sense#like Babar. Theodore. Big Comfy Couch. Skinnamarink TV. Ants in the Pants are all Canadian and have stuck a deep cord within me#let alone Mr. Dressup who I didn't touch on and he's a Canadian icon to people over a certain age#people around my age are kind of the last ones to really know Mr.Dressup and I was already on reruns#my parents and I still reference the tickle trunk or the owl and his twit ta wo twit ta we#anyways I just love old kid shows and while I don't have any kids currently I have previously thought that I would#want to show them the shows that I grew up on moreso than anything modern at least to some degree
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so anyway I really did start compiling a kinyarwanda/english dictionary/grammar guide out of all the random resources i've been hoarding on my phone (it doesn't have to be great, it just has to be better than searching multiple different files every time I'm looking for some obscure vocab or grammar detail) and one of these resources is some PDF uploaded to the internet archive and it's... not great. from the writing and contents it's clearly
old (my guess is mid-1900s. I don't remember colonial and post-colonial Rwandan history specifically enough to guess well here, but based on some of the typos, it was done on a typewriter and then scanned with OCR)
intended for missionaries (some examples of actual sentences in the "translate this" exercises include "I praise God because He saved me and He gave me peace and joy" and, I shit u not, "The blind man cannot see the Word of God, but he can hear and he can know the love of Jesus." it's. well for one thing this is basically useless vocabulary for me, and also it's cringe af)
written by someone who was not a linguist (at one point instead of just saying "if T is preceded by an unvoiced consonant, it turns into D" they give you a list of every unvoiced consonant and then recommend that you invent a mnemonic phrase to memorise the list?! why?)
written by someone who was shit with pronunciation (legit so many places where they're like "there's no way to describe how this sounds, you just have to ask someone to make the sound for you" my good bitch the phoneme might not be in english but I could describe it just fine. skill issue.)
but the thing that's really killing me about all this is that every time they try to explain tonal vowels or phonemes that aren't in english, they tell you to "ask an African to say it for you."
an. an what now? an African? babe there are approximately 1.5 billion people in Africa. Africa accounts for about 20% of the land on earth, it's the second-biggest continent, and it has an estimated two thousand living languages spoken throughout the continent.
and kinyarwanda? it has maybe 15-25 million native speakers, depending on which source I trust. it's spoken (almost*) exclusively in rwanda, which is the 9th smallest country in Africa--and that roundup includes islands off the coast of the continent. It has the second densest population in Africa but it still only has like 13 million people in it. and it's a very unique language. its closest relatives do not have the same phonemes that kinyarwanda has, and its closest relatives are also spoken by relatively few people. I don't know enough about kirundi to say much but I do know that it doesn't have the same vowel tones in all instances and it doesn't have some of the same consonant clusters. and the more widely spoken related languages that you're more likely to stumble on someone who knows how to speak? they're even worse for a reference; ask someone who speaks kiswahili to pronounce kinyarwanda for you and they will not pronounce the difference between, say, umuceri (rice) and umucyeri (berry), or the tonal difference between words like umusambi (floor mat) and umusambi (crested crane).
so, like. it's just absolutely sending me, this random white lady who was obviously a colonialist missionary, bothering to make a whole language guide to teach me how to proselytise in kinyarwanda, but along the way she's like "just ask an african--any african--how to say this" lady less than 1% of them are going to know this language but go off i guess
*almost because there's the diaspora of rwandan expats and immigrants in other countries plus the banyamulenge which is a whole aspect of it that has so much fraught history on all sides that I won't even try to say something intelligent about it, it's totally not my place/something i'm educated enough about, but to my knowledge most of them speak dialects that are more or less dissimilar to kinyarwanda; kinyamulenge and kinyabwisha are not the same as kinyarwanda. take it from my munyamulenge coworker who could never pronounce the difference between c and cy
#i meant to write a snappy salty thing but i kind of just got going#like. i am scavenging this because it's one of the few things I can find that includes verb tenses charted out#and past tense suffixes are a bitch#but it's also like. i do not trust it. anything i don't personally know already goes in a file to be fact checked#legit this thing tried to tell me that 'komera' is a phrase you use to say 'excuse me' if you cause harm or witness harm#like if you see someone have an accident I guess?#newsflash that is NOT what it's used for we have words for that we have mbabarira and ihangane i just like#look if any rwandan is on here and wants to correct me please do but i cannot imagine any scenario in which komera means excuse me#imagine you knock someone over and instead of saying any variety of sorry or excuse me or oh yikes i hope you're okay you say 'tough it out#like i know 'tough it out' is not a literal translation of komera but it's contextually a good translation in certain circumstances#not all obv but whatever#anyway this is. i wish anyone in my household also spoke this language bc i'm dying over how absurd this stupid reference is#kinyarwanda#languages#we'll see how long before I realise that there's a reason it took samuel johnson that long to write a dictionary#granted he didn't have ctrl+c/ctrl+v on his side sooooo i have that#tw colonisers#i guess idk if those phrases from the book are like triggering to anyone but they put a sour taste in my mouth at least so
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